Prom 2010

Hey all! :)

So here i go bearing my soul....
All around school all you hear about is Prom 2010..... and for me all it does is make me sad. And the thing of it all is that i DONT WANT TO BE SAD ABOUT IT! But yet inside thats what happens. I was determined not to let myself be drug down by the fact that i do not have a date, and i know that no one is gonna ask me so why even bother! But man saying that is easier than doing! I cannot help but be depressed about not having a date, which i HATE to admit.... so i broke down on tuesday night while my mom tried to comfort me, and all i could say through tears was "I hate crying about this its stupid!!!" Its hard to come to terms with things like this and it really sucks. Days like that and tonight where i feel soo cruddy about myself and I HATE IT! I dont feel pretty, i feel ugly and undesireable, i do not see the shrinking of my stomach, all i see is more skin, and it sucks! All i want is for someone to truly care about me, and thats why i am waiting for my future husband, but somedays like today.... its so hard..

What do you think??
God Bless,
Ashley

Thankful Thursday

Hey all!! :)

So today is THANKFUL THURSDAY! :) Since I have many things to be thankful for I am just going to list all of them :)

• My family
• Friends
• My faith
• The Ability to get an education
• The gifts that the Lord has given me
• Forgiveness
• Sacraments
• The ability to make a difference
• The Bible
• and so many more that i cant even type out! :)

Thank you Lord for this day! :) Thank you all my readers, i am hoping to be able to gain more readers in my blog, God willing :)
Thanks and God Bless,
Ashley

My God Loves Me Anyway

"Some people tell me that i look kind of funny
my nose is red and the braces don't work at all
they say the clothes i wear are all out of fashion
i don't fit in and should be shopping at a different mall
i studied classical piano
when i could've been playing guitar
i used to drive an el camino
and i'm not even sure it's car

Chorus:
i'm no cool but that's okay
my god loves me anyway
i'm not cool but that's alright
i'm still precious in his sight
i'm not cool but i don't care
how i'm supposed to do my hair
i'm not cool but that's okay
my god loves me anyway



it doesn't matter if i know all the lingo
he doesn't mind if i'm not hanging with a certain crowd
some people still believe in building an image
but i am finding that's a worry i can do without
i used to wish i was athletic
but football was never my game
i made some friends in mathematics
but no one can spell my last name

chorus
he says that i am a one of a kind
and i don't have to try to be somebody else
he believes in me and says i'm free to be myself
i can be myself"

Hey All! :)

So i hope that you all enjoyed my post from yesterday afternoon :) And by God and all his AMAZINGNESS on my way to the Purity Ball (White Rose Waltz) Meeting the song posted above was played on the radio and all i could do was smile :) What a perfect song right after the post i made the night before! :) God is soo good! :)

The song really relates to my life, and pretty much all of the things listed in the song have happened in my life haha and its so true though! I mean wow! Just because i dont fit into the "norm" of what society and high school portray is not something that i should conform to at all. And my prayer this morning along with Bible verse was...
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.--- Romans 12:2. Praying for strength today" And wow it totally fits! :)

Lately i have been finding myself wanting and wanting to take that time before bed and not only pray but write in my prayer journal as well. I know that God knows whats all going on in my life, but at the same time, here i can write it out all that i want and need to pray for. It also helps me relax and just be in the presence of God and all of his wondrous deeds :)

Things have been going on in my life and recently it has been hard to deal with. With me being a people pleaser and all of that it makes it more and more difficult. Ya know the feeling when things keep happening and they just should'nt be happening the way they are.. and all you want to do is SCREAM!?!? Take that as an example of the past couple days of my life haha, no lie. It has definately had its up's and down's let me tell you! But at the same time, i am moving away from those situations and trying not to focus on myself but more focus on WHO needs the help. With that i have been trying to be proactive and not focus on myself in every situation, because the thing is... I am not the only one with thing going on in my life. And there are situations worse than mine out there. And if anything i should be thanking God for what i have and what i have been given more than focusing on the bad.

So i think that if it is something i am conciously going to work on, why dont you all as my readers try to do the same? It is completely up to you, but maybe as something during Lent (if you are Catholic, because it is all about sacrifice) or if you just plain want to do it! :) Step out of yourself and look at the broader picture :) Let me know if you are up to the challenge and how it goes for you! :) I would love to hear your personal testimony on stepping out of yourself and looking at the broader picture, what a way to serve God and his people :) if you would like to get in contact with me feel free to comment here or email me at ashleywalz@gmail.com :)

Good Luck and May God Bless You All!,
Ashley

Bold Blogging

Hey All!! :)

Recently i have been struggling with many different things when it comes to who i am and what i stand for. And let me tell you it hasnt been easy at all. For those of you who know me you will already know these things but for visitiors i am just going to try and give you an overview of who i am/try to be.

I am a 16 year old who is way above her age. It is easier for me to converse with Adults over my peers. I am super Catholic, and really love it! I try to do everything and anything i possibly can--but this most likely leads me to super anxiety. I am one of those people who totally sweats the small things and wear my heart on my sleeve. I beat myself up over every mistake i make. I am a people pleaser and i strongly dislike when people are mad at me or dont like me. I have come to terms with the fact that i can be a perfectionist--I AM ONE! haha. I definatley have many flaws and things that i need to work on.

Wow..looking at that list makes me shudder a little bit haha :)
Throughout my life i have been critizcised for what i look like, what i do, and just plainly how i am. When i was younger i used to think that i was the super wierd kid that no one would ever like, just based off of the things said to me. I used to hide behind a mask, not wanting to let people see who i truly am, because in their eyes i wasnt "normal".

Since my Sophomore year things changed. AMAZING people have walked into my life, and friendships have been made stronger. Things got difficult yes, but the thing is i didnt feel i had to hide anymore. I dove deeper into friendships, relationships and my faith making me a much stronger person all in all. I realized how much i am loved and cared for, just the way i am.

I realized that I am who I am, I am who GOD made me to be and why should i change, i mean im FANTASTIC in his eyes :)

But in the past few weeks i have been feeling that mask start to slide down my face again and again. I am feeling almost ashamed of who i am and what i believe because its is definately not the "norm". When i post blogs i have been afraid of who i am going to offend, hurt or make laugh at me because of what i write on here. And after i sat in my room and prayed last night, i know that this mask that is coming back needs to be thrown in the trash ASAP!

So from now on..... I am BLOGGING BOLDLY! That means no more sugar-coating whats going on in my life, no changing so people will like me more, and most importantly i am staying true to who I am and what i believe.

Definition Of Boldly-

not hesitating or fearful in the face of actual or possible danger or rebuff; courageous and daring: a bold hero.

not hesitating to break the rules of propriety 

So right now i stand before you, from now on ready to bare all for who i am.

God Bless,
Ashley

Is what im doing/saying...

Is what I am doing/saying leading me to Heaven or Hell??

Listen to this amazing podcast! http://www.lifeteen.com/default.aspx?PageID=PODCASTS8

I came upon this wonderful podcast from the amazing lifeteen website :) In the beginning it starts off talking about Lent, and then tranistions into a talk by a Priest, which is well worth hearing! :) In the talk he is talking about what we "give up" and "add" (spirtually) for Lent as Catholics. Then goes on to talk about the different things that we do in this world today. All of the different things that we do daily effect us, and the others around us. How we have a choice to build someone up or tear someone down.

The Priest refers to:

• Gossip
• Dirty Jokes
• Rude Comments
• Judging
• Ect.

And here is the thing.... WE ALL DO IT!!! We are human and its natural, but what can we do to make that NOT SO natural any longer?? All the Priest says is that we need to pray for those things that we struggle with and pray that the Lord... Shuts our Mouth's! (His exact words!) If the things that we are doing, saying and achieving will not lead us to Heaven, then dont do it! Work, and strive to become better, and head towards Heaven.

God Bless,
Ashley

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an easy thing to say, but a hard thing to actually do. Throughout our lives we will be handed various situations, many things to deal with and some require many different skills.

To me I feel forgiveness is a key tool to any relationship. And for people like me who despise confrontation, which leads to any sort of argument/issue which leads to *hopefully* forgiveness, it is so easy for us to say that we "forgive" but inside we truly dont really mean it. How can people say something but inside hold on to the issue and not truly forgive?? I will own up and say that i was one of those people. After the whole situtation with my Ex boyfriend i said i forgived him, but inside of me.. was anything but forgiveness.

It was something i honestly wasnt sure how i could do it... i mean how could i forgive after how bad things were? I wasnt going to let him ever live it down... But thats before i had a heavenly father. I was so angry and so sad that it tore me to pieces, and why? Because i let the *evil one get to me. The evil one had control and made me think that it was ok to not forgive my ex, to still be mad and angry. But thank God, that He stepped in. He made me truly think about what i was doing and how was acting. I am so glad that he helped me. And i will never forget going to confession at YTM and FINALLY confessing what happened, i laid everything out.. and i sobbed.. BUT i had never felt sooo good!!

So the moral behind the story is the forgiveness from my Lord, helped me to forgive my ex and myself. So as i was saying... forgiveness is the key to any relationhip, even a heavenly one :)

**** Evil One-- Devil

5 Year Plan

Hey lovely readers!! Just thought i would share with you all a paper that i had to write for my Careers class :) hope you all enjoy!

God Bless,
Ashley

5 year Plan Paper


Ashley Walz Hour 3

Looking ahead into my future can be difficult, but exciting at the same time. Some days I feel sure about what I want to do, but then other days I am completely lost. In these past few days I have examined my semester goals, future goals and the strategic planning guide to help me follow through with these goals.

It was interesting to try and come up with goals for the semester, I knew what I want to do but at the same time putting it into words is very difficult. My first main goal that I really desire to achieve is to bring up my GPA by the end of the semester. This is really something that I would love to be able to accomplish, because it would give me a sense of accomplishment and plus it would be much better for colleges to see on my transcript. I feel that if I work hard, and study more I can raise my GPA. I also think that teachers could help my by encouraging me and also helping me when I need it the most. My next goal was to excel in my first year of throwing in track. This is something new for me and I am really excited! At the same time I really want to do the best I can and prove to my coach and my team that I can do it. I feel that if I work out, and lift weights to help better myself. My coach would be the main person to help me by teaching and encouraging me along the way. Last but not least my final goal is to take my ACT for the first time this spring. By using the ACT prep software that I have at home and also studying I feel that those steps will help me to achieve my goal. The only person who can really help me to succeed is myself by working hard and preparing.

Yesterday when I sat down to write out my priorities I was able to come up with ten different priorities, family, education, faith, career, friends, health, morals, church, volunteer, and helping others. Right now I am going to focus on my top three priorities that I feel are most important. Family is the most important thing to me, I love my family at home and I also long to have a husband and children when I am older. While “planning” out how I can achieve this I found it difficult. I found this difficult because I am very into church and my faith, and as for my future with a husband and children, I have given it all to God. I want him to lead my life and take control. So saying that, it is difficult for me to say when I want to get married, or how many kids I want because it is all in God’s hands. The next top priority for me is faith. Throughout our lives we are/should be working towards God, and the things that I want to do to help me achieve that is attending daily mass, work with campus ministry in college, run at least one retreat, become a Eucharistic minister, become a youth minister, volunteer and take a mission trip. Now looking back on those I know that there are more things that I will be called to in the future, but those are the things right now that excite me and motivate me. My third priority is Education. To me not that many people take their education seriously and want to excel in it. But that is different for me, I know how hard and how much I need to work to achieve my goals. A few things that I would like to do that relate to education are, request college information, apply for colleges, take the ACT, go on college visits, get accepted and many more. I know that is a lot of work but I feel that I am up to the challenge.

Going over and looking at my goals and where I want to be in five years, is exciting but at the same time it does scare me. I am glad that I know what steps need to be taken to help me along with my future so I am not totally in the dark. I am hoping that through these goals that I have set, I will achieve them to my best potential.

Amazing Women :)

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Lisa-Ling-Goes-Inside-a-Convent

Go to the link above and read it! :) You can also search for it on youtube. )

Ok so i saw the commercial for this Oprah episode and thought it looked interesting. And then right after school i got a text from my youth minister Kym telling me about it and how i should watch it, so that renfourced my decision to watch it. Now Kym and i are not super fond of Oprah but at the same time enjoyed seeing the AMAZING sisters from Michigan on the Oprah show :)

These women left me speechless with many different things that i witnessed while watching the show. These women are wonderful and i respect them and look up to them for answering the Lord's call to this wonderful vocation of being a sister. These women live a life of "poverty", now i know when people hear the word poverty the have one sterotypical vision of poverty but this poverty is different. Women CHOOSE to live out this life for Christ, because thats what he asks of the sisters. How amazing is that?! They CHOOSE it!

Throughout the show the elaborated on the fact of how materiallistic our world is today and how that differs from the simplistic life that they live and how much relief comes from that. These women completly inspire me :)

The times of silence, prayer, reflection, mass, and even the games and fun things they do. It is completly opposite of the sterotypical view of convents or nuns that people have. They are just like us, to an extent that is, i mean they have fun and do all of the activities that we would do such as playing games or sports. :)

Its really hard to put all that i got out of this show into words, so if you can please read the written version and youtube the show to watch it as well :) believe me its worth it! :)

God Bless,
Ashley

You know your in Minnesota when.....?

Here is a post that i have been thinking about lots and i thought since we have CrAZy snowy weather, today would be a good time to write it :)

You know your in MN when....

You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.


You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly".


You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction

“Down south” to you means Iowa

People from other states love to hear you say words with O’s in them.


You know what the numbers 694, 494, I-94, 394 mean.

You know what “uff-da” means and how to use it properly.

You’re a loyal Target shopper

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car

You thought Grumpy Old Men was documentary.


You know what leaves make good toilet paper.

You think the opening of deer season is a national holiday

You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping the food will swim by.


Someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there

You have apologized to a telemarketer

You have either a pet or a child named "Kirby."

Your birthday was in April, and you still got to use the shovel right away.


Your town has an equal number of bars and churches

You have ever had an entire telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.

You know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, and Shakopee.

Nothing gets you madder than seeing a Green Bay sticker on a Minnesota car.

The only reason you go to Wisconsin is to get fireworks, to fish, or to buy beer on Sunday.

Have a great day! :)

When you hear God's voice

Ever since i went to confession last week i feel that God is speaking to me. At first i thought it was just a subconconious thing ya know? Like "Oh yeah i was just thinking about it, its nothing.." Its a difficult thing to describe to you readers but i will try...

When i am thinking about things in silence, like in class where i normally keep to myself, i will just be thinking about random things but then a Bible verse will come into my head, or a song, or just simple words. For example.... I was in Math class on friday and went to the restroom (TMI i know! :) lol) and i was thinking about college and what i am going to do with my life and all of those kind's of things, and i start to semi-panic.... and then all of a sudden "Be NOT afraid" has entered my head, and i feel at peace. And i stop in my tracks..  Like God is trying to tell me "Ashley its ok, I've got you, its gonna be ok, dont fear." I am stunned and have no idea what to think. So then going to mass at 10:30 this morning, Father Tim's homily was about how when you are at crossroads you should "Be NOT afraid" All i can do is smile.
God planted that seed, and then when i doubted that it was actually him, he reinforces it :)

All i can say is AMEN my Heavenly Father is amazing! And i never thought i would have this kind of connection, but all i can do is praise him for it and listen to what he has to say to me :)

God Bless,
Ashley

Snowball Dress!

Hey All! :) Just a quick update! Here are some pictures of my snow ball dress (our semi formal which is tonight!) Hope you all like! :) Ill post pictures sometime soon when i have my hair and make up done :)