Hello all!!
So I have decided to not really let anything stand in my way of blogging what I feel & my thoughts. Heck, Its MY blog.... I recieved a comment on my last post that made me second guess my blog and how I portrayed things. After re-reading my post and the comment I realized that I wasnt trying to down anyone or anything, and I feel that I didnt do that in my post at all. I understand that everyone has their own opinion, so instead of arguing I feel the need to pray for the person who commented, no hard feelings or anything, just wishing everyone to have peace :) Now saying that, it definately is hard, but heck I need to be honest with myself as well. So please give me in your prayers as I continue to be honest with myself.
From past posts you all have known that I have had to dig deep and find my way to counseling. Well I did have my first appt and I posted that on here but I really havent been posting too much about it because it was really hard to put into words.
Well last week I made a huge breakthrough. My counselor and I were listing out things that have hurt me and made me feel inadequate and non deserving and then we started listing people who have tributed to that.... & it was an all male list. I looked at the list and teared up because i never realized that I have always been trying to fill that void of not having a father daughter relationship growing up, and in turn with a lot of these issues I have been trying to find the "love" of a guy or a male friend. With most of them... it has ended up hurting me completely. Especailly this past summer.
I am working on not trying and trying to fill the void with guys. Not in a sexual or physical sense-nor has it never been but i long for that emotional connection and love.
What i really want to work on is letting God fully fill that void, and along with his son Jesus, be the only men I will ALWAYS depend on.
Please keep me in your prayers....this is a hard time for me.
God Bless,
Ashley
January 26, 2011
January 23, 2011
Thankful for Friends-Tribute Speech
This is a speech that I wrote for my Interpersonal Class final :)
After having one of the most amazing faith-filled experiences of my life for two weeks the summer before my junior year, this lead me to make life-long friendships with amazing people, no matter how far apart we all live. But throughout this experience one girl touched my heart. Her name is Kristi Taraba and she is from Rochester, Minnesota. Sadly this means that 130 miles are standing in our way, so we cannot see each other as much as we would like but yet we still maintain the relationship that we started at YTM/”God Camp”. The no matter how far apart we may be I know deep in my heart that she loves me, and I love her just the same. During our time together that summer at St. Johns University for this camp, an incredible friendship was formed instantly and I cannot even try to describe what happened during those two weeks but from what I can fathom, it was AMAZING. Kristi and I both really didn’t know what to expect at this camp, lovingly refered to as “God Camp”, but after a few days we found that we were always together, and it felt like we had known each other for many, many years.
We all go through hard times but it is really how we deal with them and who we surround ourselves with that really helps us through. I cannot begin to count the number of times Kristi has done that for me, even if we are going through the same thing and even with the things we have had to endure together. It has stretched from a simple “thinking of you” text message to inviting me to a MercyMe & Jeremy Camp concert at the State Fair and squealing when we see each other, as we run to give each other a huge hug. She is always there, a phone call or text message away, she lifts me up with words of encouragement, small gestures and continuous compliments. Some day’s I really wonder what I ever did to deserve to call an amazing young woman like her, one of my best friends.
High school can definitely be a rough time, but isn’t it truly interesting that the things that we have to deal with in life always seem so difficult, but after the fact we realize that God really gave us all the help we need, in the form of “angels”, and I call mine Kristi. It never ceases to amaze me how at the drop of a hat she is always there for me, no matter what time, day or night she is there, even if it is just to chat. She knows me so well and loves me for who I am. Kristi continuously strives to make me believe in myself and my abilities, and also to love myself for who I am, for that I truly thank her.
This angel has done so much for me, just by being a true friend. Someone I can rely on, and count on when the going gets tough and all the days in between. Kristi has made me grow and realize things that I never thought I could, she made me spread my wings and fly to places I never thought I would be able to be. Now I cannot wait to watch her spread her wings, more than she already has, and fly.
After having one of the most amazing faith-filled experiences of my life for two weeks the summer before my junior year, this lead me to make life-long friendships with amazing people, no matter how far apart we all live. But throughout this experience one girl touched my heart. Her name is Kristi Taraba and she is from Rochester, Minnesota. Sadly this means that 130 miles are standing in our way, so we cannot see each other as much as we would like but yet we still maintain the relationship that we started at YTM/”God Camp”. The no matter how far apart we may be I know deep in my heart that she loves me, and I love her just the same. During our time together that summer at St. Johns University for this camp, an incredible friendship was formed instantly and I cannot even try to describe what happened during those two weeks but from what I can fathom, it was AMAZING. Kristi and I both really didn’t know what to expect at this camp, lovingly refered to as “God Camp”, but after a few days we found that we were always together, and it felt like we had known each other for many, many years.
We all go through hard times but it is really how we deal with them and who we surround ourselves with that really helps us through. I cannot begin to count the number of times Kristi has done that for me, even if we are going through the same thing and even with the things we have had to endure together. It has stretched from a simple “thinking of you” text message to inviting me to a MercyMe & Jeremy Camp concert at the State Fair and squealing when we see each other, as we run to give each other a huge hug. She is always there, a phone call or text message away, she lifts me up with words of encouragement, small gestures and continuous compliments. Some day’s I really wonder what I ever did to deserve to call an amazing young woman like her, one of my best friends.
High school can definitely be a rough time, but isn’t it truly interesting that the things that we have to deal with in life always seem so difficult, but after the fact we realize that God really gave us all the help we need, in the form of “angels”, and I call mine Kristi. It never ceases to amaze me how at the drop of a hat she is always there for me, no matter what time, day or night she is there, even if it is just to chat. She knows me so well and loves me for who I am. Kristi continuously strives to make me believe in myself and my abilities, and also to love myself for who I am, for that I truly thank her.
This angel has done so much for me, just by being a true friend. Someone I can rely on, and count on when the going gets tough and all the days in between. Kristi has made me grow and realize things that I never thought I could, she made me spread my wings and fly to places I never thought I would be able to be. Now I cannot wait to watch her spread her wings, more than she already has, and fly.
Ecumenism
Hello All!!
With request by a friend of mine & it is something that I definately come to face daily and I want to thank Jessie for giving me a little push to write this blog!
Jessie's Facebook post to me:
"I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on ecumenism and how you dialogue with people who might not believe the same things as you. That was always a challenge for me in high school, and I know it's something that a lot of young Catholics d...eal with.
Happy blogging! :D"
Ecumenism: now mainly refers to initiatives aimed at greater religious unity or cooperation
In all honesty it is one of the hardest things to be a Christian in Public School, let alone a devoute Catholic. Many people dont believe at all, and shy away from people who proclaim The Word Of God.
I have many friends that are of different denominations and it is something that it a very "touchy" subject, because no one wants to step on the other's toes. But for me it is definately hard because I try my best not to do this but it happens, I take any attack on the Catholic Church or anything against it to heart. Its hurtful because its my "home" my "base", but I try my best to defend the faith in a respectful but honest way. Actually I end up finding myself praying through the conversation with the person and asking for God's wisdom through it.
The Gospel reading at Masses this weekend was....
"I urge you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that all of you agree in what you say,
and that there be no divisions among you,
but that you be united in the same mind and in the same purpose.
For it has been reported to me about you, my brothers and sisters,
by Chloe’s people, that there are rivalries among you.
I mean that each of you is saying,
“I belong to Paul,” or “I belong to Apollos,”
or “I belong to Cephas,” or “I belong to Christ.”
Is Christ divided?
Was Paul crucified for you?
Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?
For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel,
and not with the wisdom of human eloquence,
so that the cross of Christ might not be emptied of its meaning."
God didnt mean for all of this division. It was Man who did not "like"/"agree" with the Church's Teachings and changed them for themselves to fit what they wanted. Upon this rock I will build my church is in the Bible, right in Peter :)
In all, it is super hard to "fight"/"defend" what you believe in. But it is sooo worth it! :)
God Bless,
Ashley
With request by a friend of mine & it is something that I definately come to face daily and I want to thank Jessie for giving me a little push to write this blog!
Jessie's Facebook post to me:
"I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on ecumenism and how you dialogue with people who might not believe the same things as you. That was always a challenge for me in high school, and I know it's something that a lot of young Catholics d...eal with.
Happy blogging! :D"
Ecumenism: now mainly refers to initiatives aimed at greater religious unity or cooperation
In all honesty it is one of the hardest things to be a Christian in Public School, let alone a devoute Catholic. Many people dont believe at all, and shy away from people who proclaim The Word Of God.
I have many friends that are of different denominations and it is something that it a very "touchy" subject, because no one wants to step on the other's toes. But for me it is definately hard because I try my best not to do this but it happens, I take any attack on the Catholic Church or anything against it to heart. Its hurtful because its my "home" my "base", but I try my best to defend the faith in a respectful but honest way. Actually I end up finding myself praying through the conversation with the person and asking for God's wisdom through it.
The Gospel reading at Masses this weekend was....
"I urge you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
that all of you agree in what you say,
and that there be no divisions among you,
but that you be united in the same mind and in the same purpose.
For it has been reported to me about you, my brothers and sisters,
by Chloe’s people, that there are rivalries among you.
I mean that each of you is saying,
“I belong to Paul,” or “I belong to Apollos,”
or “I belong to Cephas,” or “I belong to Christ.”
Is Christ divided?
Was Paul crucified for you?
Or were you baptized in the name of Paul?
For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel,
and not with the wisdom of human eloquence,
so that the cross of Christ might not be emptied of its meaning."
God didnt mean for all of this division. It was Man who did not "like"/"agree" with the Church's Teachings and changed them for themselves to fit what they wanted. Upon this rock I will build my church is in the Bible, right in Peter :)
In all, it is super hard to "fight"/"defend" what you believe in. But it is sooo worth it! :)
God Bless,
Ashley
January 1, 2011
New Branch & Update
Hello All!!!
Soooooo you have all read my posts about my self image and weight issues...well now i am going to hold myself accountable like i did with the counseling topic. Sooo i created a branch off of this blog....please visit http://www.becomingwhoiammadetobe.blogspot.com/.
Update.....
So i have had two counseling appt's and I adore my counselor! She is so sweet and helpful!!!!! I am happy and blessed to have so many wonderful supporters and amazing friends and family! Please continue to pray as throughout this whole process i have realized how much I have held in, that needs work. I cannot wait to be happier :)
God Bless,
Ashley
Soooooo you have all read my posts about my self image and weight issues...well now i am going to hold myself accountable like i did with the counseling topic. Sooo i created a branch off of this blog....please visit http://www.becomingwhoiammadetobe.blogspot.com/.
Update.....
So i have had two counseling appt's and I adore my counselor! She is so sweet and helpful!!!!! I am happy and blessed to have so many wonderful supporters and amazing friends and family! Please continue to pray as throughout this whole process i have realized how much I have held in, that needs work. I cannot wait to be happier :)
God Bless,
Ashley
December 23, 2010
A Christmas Tag
What is your one favorite dish to see on the table at Christmas dinner? Grandma's Mashed Potatoes!
Do you have a Nativity scene or a creche? How many pieces does it have? Nativity Scene and lots of precious moment pieces :)
What is your favorite Christmas movie? Christmas Vacation or any of the Santa Clause Movies with Tim Allen
If you and your family could spend this Christmas in another country, where would you go? Germany :)
Does your grandmother usually knit you something for Christmas, or does she give you something different -- say, a Wii? They give us something different but nothing like a Wii, clothes and board games! MY FAVORITE!
Have you ever gone out of the house wearing a reindeer headband? What about a Santa hat? In Elementary School :)
Do you usually make or buy your Christmas gifts? A little of both
When do you set up your Christmas decorations? When do you take them down? Sadly it depends on when we are all home and can find time...
What kind of activities does your church usually have at Christmas? Children's mass, Christmas Pagent, Decorating the Offices, & More :)
Did you ever believe in Santa Claus as a child? Yup I did
Which of the Gospels gives your favorite account of the Christmas story? It really depends on how perceptive I am!
Have you ever acted in a Christmas pageant? What part did you play? Nope =]
Do you buy Christmas presents for your pets? Yes :) Lilly has her own stocking and we wrap her presents because she loves tearing them open :)
What is your favorite Christmas tradition? Christmas Mass, Going to Grandma and grandpas after-dinner, presents family time, then coming home with the 5 of us, put on our pj's and open presents from each other :)
Do you have a Nativity scene or a creche? How many pieces does it have? Nativity Scene and lots of precious moment pieces :)
What is your favorite Christmas movie? Christmas Vacation or any of the Santa Clause Movies with Tim Allen
If you and your family could spend this Christmas in another country, where would you go? Germany :)
Does your grandmother usually knit you something for Christmas, or does she give you something different -- say, a Wii? They give us something different but nothing like a Wii, clothes and board games! MY FAVORITE!
Have you ever gone out of the house wearing a reindeer headband? What about a Santa hat? In Elementary School :)
Do you usually make or buy your Christmas gifts? A little of both
When do you set up your Christmas decorations? When do you take them down? Sadly it depends on when we are all home and can find time...
What kind of activities does your church usually have at Christmas? Children's mass, Christmas Pagent, Decorating the Offices, & More :)
Did you ever believe in Santa Claus as a child? Yup I did
Which of the Gospels gives your favorite account of the Christmas story? It really depends on how perceptive I am!
Have you ever acted in a Christmas pageant? What part did you play? Nope =]
Do you buy Christmas presents for your pets? Yes :) Lilly has her own stocking and we wrap her presents because she loves tearing them open :)
What is your favorite Christmas tradition? Christmas Mass, Going to Grandma and grandpas after-dinner, presents family time, then coming home with the 5 of us, put on our pj's and open presents from each other :)
Innocent-Taylor Swift
Here's how it works:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 20 friends.
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!
Here are the questions:
IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
American Honey-Tyler Ward Cover
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Feel the Light-Britt Nicole
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
"(Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear" by Elvis Presley*blushes furiously*
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Uncharted-Sara Barellies
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Your Grace Oh God-Jessie Manibusen
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Imagine-Glee Version
WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Say It Again-Marie Digby
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"(You're the) Devil in Disguise"OMG!!! I'm not even kidding!!!! This is what came up! 0_0
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Brave-Nicole Nordman
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Mary's Song-Taylor Swift
WHAT IS 2+2?
Legacy- Sanctus Real
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Bohemian Rapsody-Glee Version
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Endless Love-Glee
Well the person i "like" is Jesus and he is endless love :)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Move-Mercy Me
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Not Ashamed-Jeremy Camp
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Walk on the Water-Britt Nicole
WHAT WILL YOU DO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Dont Stop Believin'-Glee Version
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
God Of Wonders-Third Day
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Love Like Crazy- Lee Brice
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Dancin' With Myself-Glee hahahahaha
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Bad Romance-Lady Gaga hahaha
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Grace Like Rain-Todd Agnew
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Unrestrained-Jeremy Camp
WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Love Bug-Jonas Brothers
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
The Way- Jeremy Camp lol makes no sense!
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Love Song-Sara Barellies
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Never Alone-Lady Antebellem
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Christ Reigns haha :)
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
If I Die Young-The Band Perry
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Safe-Britt Nicole
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Kaleidoscope Heart
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Stand in the Rain-Superchick
WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS NOTE?
Innocent-Taylor Swift
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 20 friends.
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!
Here are the questions:
IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
American Honey-Tyler Ward Cover
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Feel the Light-Britt Nicole
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
"(Let Me Be Your) Teddy Bear" by Elvis Presley*blushes furiously*
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Uncharted-Sara Barellies
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Your Grace Oh God-Jessie Manibusen
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Imagine-Glee Version
WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Say It Again-Marie Digby
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"(You're the) Devil in Disguise"OMG!!! I'm not even kidding!!!! This is what came up! 0_0
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Brave-Nicole Nordman
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Mary's Song-Taylor Swift
WHAT IS 2+2?
Legacy- Sanctus Real
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Bohemian Rapsody-Glee Version
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Endless Love-Glee
Well the person i "like" is Jesus and he is endless love :)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Move-Mercy Me
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Not Ashamed-Jeremy Camp
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Walk on the Water-Britt Nicole
WHAT WILL YOU DO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Dont Stop Believin'-Glee Version
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
God Of Wonders-Third Day
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Love Like Crazy- Lee Brice
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Dancin' With Myself-Glee hahahahaha
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Bad Romance-Lady Gaga hahaha
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Grace Like Rain-Todd Agnew
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Unrestrained-Jeremy Camp
WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Love Bug-Jonas Brothers
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
The Way- Jeremy Camp lol makes no sense!
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Love Song-Sara Barellies
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Never Alone-Lady Antebellem
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Christ Reigns haha :)
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
If I Die Young-The Band Perry
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Safe-Britt Nicole
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Kaleidoscope Heart
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Stand in the Rain-Superchick
WHAT WILL YOU NAME THIS NOTE?
Innocent-Taylor Swift
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