Hello all!!
So I have decided to not really let anything stand in my way of blogging what I feel & my thoughts. Heck, Its MY blog.... I recieved a comment on my last post that made me second guess my blog and how I portrayed things. After re-reading my post and the comment I realized that I wasnt trying to down anyone or anything, and I feel that I didnt do that in my post at all. I understand that everyone has their own opinion, so instead of arguing I feel the need to pray for the person who commented, no hard feelings or anything, just wishing everyone to have peace :) Now saying that, it definately is hard, but heck I need to be honest with myself as well. So please give me in your prayers as I continue to be honest with myself.
From past posts you all have known that I have had to dig deep and find my way to counseling. Well I did have my first appt and I posted that on here but I really havent been posting too much about it because it was really hard to put into words.
Well last week I made a huge breakthrough. My counselor and I were listing out things that have hurt me and made me feel inadequate and non deserving and then we started listing people who have tributed to that.... & it was an all male list. I looked at the list and teared up because i never realized that I have always been trying to fill that void of not having a father daughter relationship growing up, and in turn with a lot of these issues I have been trying to find the "love" of a guy or a male friend. With most of them... it has ended up hurting me completely. Especailly this past summer.
I am working on not trying and trying to fill the void with guys. Not in a sexual or physical sense-nor has it never been but i long for that emotional connection and love.
What i really want to work on is letting God fully fill that void, and along with his son Jesus, be the only men I will ALWAYS depend on.
Please keep me in your prayers....this is a hard time for me.
God Bless,
Ashley
1 comment:
Ashley,
First of all, when you have a public blog people are always going to give you their opinions and let you know just how wrong they think you are. I know it's easier said than done, but you have to learn to delete those comments, ignore them, and not dwell on them. I still get them pretty regularly, and I don't give them the time of day. I can't beat myself up over what someone else thinks of me. If they don't want to read, then they can click that little "X" in the corner and leave my blog!! :)
Secondly, I completely understand what you're going through. I am SO proud of you for seeking help on this. I, too, missed out on that father/daughter relationship that you hear about. I, too, needed the male validation in my life. I, too, sought it out. Unfortunately, though, I did let it go too far and I did seek that validation through physical relationships. I didn't think much of it at the time, didn't think it was a big deal. Fast forward a handful of years to when I met my love, my Monte. Having to admit to him that I never waited for him, and that I didn't respect myself enough to say no was something that completely broke his heart. It was an issue we had to work long and hard to get through, and it's one that still comes up on occasion.
You are a beautiful, wonderful, loving young woman and I am so proud of you for how far you've come in your relationship with God! Know that He truly can and WILL fill that void in your life if you just let Him. Ask Him to fill it. When you're feeling lonely, ask Him again. It's through continual conversation with our Heavenly Father that we draw close to Him and that He really does fill that void completely.
I love you. You are amazing and I am so proud of the woman that you've become!
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