Hello all!!
So I have decided to not really let anything stand in my way of blogging what I feel & my thoughts. Heck, Its MY blog.... I recieved a comment on my last post that made me second guess my blog and how I portrayed things. After re-reading my post and the comment I realized that I wasnt trying to down anyone or anything, and I feel that I didnt do that in my post at all. I understand that everyone has their own opinion, so instead of arguing I feel the need to pray for the person who commented, no hard feelings or anything, just wishing everyone to have peace :) Now saying that, it definately is hard, but heck I need to be honest with myself as well. So please give me in your prayers as I continue to be honest with myself.
From past posts you all have known that I have had to dig deep and find my way to counseling. Well I did have my first appt and I posted that on here but I really havent been posting too much about it because it was really hard to put into words.
Well last week I made a huge breakthrough. My counselor and I were listing out things that have hurt me and made me feel inadequate and non deserving and then we started listing people who have tributed to that.... & it was an all male list. I looked at the list and teared up because i never realized that I have always been trying to fill that void of not having a father daughter relationship growing up, and in turn with a lot of these issues I have been trying to find the "love" of a guy or a male friend. With most of them... it has ended up hurting me completely. Especailly this past summer.
I am working on not trying and trying to fill the void with guys. Not in a sexual or physical sense-nor has it never been but i long for that emotional connection and love.
What i really want to work on is letting God fully fill that void, and along with his son Jesus, be the only men I will ALWAYS depend on.
Please keep me in your prayers....this is a hard time for me.
God Bless,
Ashley
Showing posts with label help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label help. Show all posts
January 26, 2011
August 15, 2010
"Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me"
Hey all! :) Hope you enjoyed my updates while i was on my little trip and dont worry i have more pictures and information to post, but thats gonna have to wait :) I have a story to share with you all..
You all know about my recent trips to Milwaukee, Chicago and Winona. Downtown Chicago and aeras surrounding it are very heavily populated by people, as well as by people less fortunate than lots of us. Every where you go you see people asking for money, trying to sell things to get money, trying to find a ride and more. This honestly has been something i have seen when I have been in Minneapolis but it was WAY more obvious in Chicago and it honestly broke my heart every time... I have been raised in a society that puts a negative label on these kinds of people and the common response is to turn the other cheek and continue on our way, and here is where my story comes in.
My family and i were at the MN Twins game, vs the White Sox- the first game in Chicago last week, fantastic game, so cool! We left half way through the 8th inning due to how crazy traffic would be and we were still 40+ mins away from our hotel. All 5 of us were on a "high" from being the rival team beating the home team on their own "turf" and headed to our car, all smiley and happy with the beautiful Chicago skyline straight ahead of us. We finally got outside of the stadium and realized we went out a different gate than the one we came in and we were walking in the opposite direction of our car. So we stopped and my parents talked trying to get our bearings again so we could head to our car. While my brothers and i were just standing there i see this man in the distance, he is wearing a t-shirt and jeans, walking with a limp and he is crying. I try not to stare but my heart was just breaking for him... We stood there for awhile trying to figure out which direction to go, and then i turn around to find the man approaching me. At first my heart starts to race because i have never been aproached by someone like that, but then God settled my nerves to hear him out. The man approached me sobbing and holding up a bus card, he looked at me and said "I just need 80 cents to get a ride on the bus.." and continues to cry. My heart speeds up and I dont know what to do. My mom looks at him and says "Sir, what did you say you need?" He responds "I just need 80 cents for the bus.." My mom turns to my dad and says "Give him a dollar", but i felt the man looking at me. So I turned to my parents and said "No I got it" and handed him the 80 cents, but when i did he lowered his head like he was ashamed, and told him to take care and be safe. He looks back at me and i glance at his shirt, he has a button on that said "Catholic" and some other words of an organization that i couldnt fully read. When he catches my eye contact he says "Thank you so much Miss, God Bless you, God Bless you..." Continues to cry and slowly walks toward the bus.
I am in absolute awe of his gratitude.
We start walking to the car and I loose it and start crying, it completely breaks my heart to see this happening in our world, but then i realize this.... "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40
I pray for him on our way back to the hotel and realize this is something i wont forget.
Fast forward a few days, my college visits are done and im not sure where im going to go, or for that matter where God wants me to go. My grandparents were out of town and asked me to pick up their hour of Adoration on friday evening. I took it for them, go into Adoration and just talk to God, asking him to open me up to what he has instore for me in my future, and what He wants of me. My mind drifts back to Chicago and DePaul, and then back to this man, I pray for him again. Sit back in the chair and close my eyes. I ask God to please show me what He wants me to know. I grab my Bible and open it to a random page without looking... and point to a verse..the verse was... "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
God is amazing, and has so many things in store for me, I cannot wait!
God Bless,
Ashley
You all know about my recent trips to Milwaukee, Chicago and Winona. Downtown Chicago and aeras surrounding it are very heavily populated by people, as well as by people less fortunate than lots of us. Every where you go you see people asking for money, trying to sell things to get money, trying to find a ride and more. This honestly has been something i have seen when I have been in Minneapolis but it was WAY more obvious in Chicago and it honestly broke my heart every time... I have been raised in a society that puts a negative label on these kinds of people and the common response is to turn the other cheek and continue on our way, and here is where my story comes in.
My family and i were at the MN Twins game, vs the White Sox- the first game in Chicago last week, fantastic game, so cool! We left half way through the 8th inning due to how crazy traffic would be and we were still 40+ mins away from our hotel. All 5 of us were on a "high" from being the rival team beating the home team on their own "turf" and headed to our car, all smiley and happy with the beautiful Chicago skyline straight ahead of us. We finally got outside of the stadium and realized we went out a different gate than the one we came in and we were walking in the opposite direction of our car. So we stopped and my parents talked trying to get our bearings again so we could head to our car. While my brothers and i were just standing there i see this man in the distance, he is wearing a t-shirt and jeans, walking with a limp and he is crying. I try not to stare but my heart was just breaking for him... We stood there for awhile trying to figure out which direction to go, and then i turn around to find the man approaching me. At first my heart starts to race because i have never been aproached by someone like that, but then God settled my nerves to hear him out. The man approached me sobbing and holding up a bus card, he looked at me and said "I just need 80 cents to get a ride on the bus.." and continues to cry. My heart speeds up and I dont know what to do. My mom looks at him and says "Sir, what did you say you need?" He responds "I just need 80 cents for the bus.." My mom turns to my dad and says "Give him a dollar", but i felt the man looking at me. So I turned to my parents and said "No I got it" and handed him the 80 cents, but when i did he lowered his head like he was ashamed, and told him to take care and be safe. He looks back at me and i glance at his shirt, he has a button on that said "Catholic" and some other words of an organization that i couldnt fully read. When he catches my eye contact he says "Thank you so much Miss, God Bless you, God Bless you..." Continues to cry and slowly walks toward the bus.
I am in absolute awe of his gratitude.
We start walking to the car and I loose it and start crying, it completely breaks my heart to see this happening in our world, but then i realize this.... "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40
I pray for him on our way back to the hotel and realize this is something i wont forget.
Fast forward a few days, my college visits are done and im not sure where im going to go, or for that matter where God wants me to go. My grandparents were out of town and asked me to pick up their hour of Adoration on friday evening. I took it for them, go into Adoration and just talk to God, asking him to open me up to what he has instore for me in my future, and what He wants of me. My mind drifts back to Chicago and DePaul, and then back to this man, I pray for him again. Sit back in the chair and close my eyes. I ask God to please show me what He wants me to know. I grab my Bible and open it to a random page without looking... and point to a verse..the verse was... "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."
God is amazing, and has so many things in store for me, I cannot wait!
God Bless,
Ashley
November 29, 2009
Future Plans..Oh no...Help!
Wow, do you know how much pressure teenagers are under in this world today?!? Way way too much!
Although we are faced with many things daily, one of the major things that i believe is so tough is our future.
Daily we are bombarded with homework, studying, lectures, speeches, presentations, and teachers preaching to us about college and what are we gonna do with our future??
And sometimes I want to scream at them and say WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DONT KNOW FOR SURE!?!?!
We are under so much pressure to do so many things, and to accomplish so much that multiple times during the year I break down, cry, am beyond sressed and basically loose it!
Ok, now saying that I think about what Im going to do with my life??
Oh no...
For me right now I really want to go into ministry of some sort. More than likely youth ministry, or something with being involved with the church and in that community. I would so LOVE to do that! :) But then the doubts come into my mind...
-What if i cant get into college?
-What if its too much?
-What if I cant understand it?
-What if I loose all my money?
-How am I going to get a job?
-How am I going to live?
And honestly the list could go on and on. And when i look at colleges thats the list that is going through my head and man, it scares me to death.
On a daily basis i work my butt off to do as well as I possibly can in school to get into college, and it is so tough. So much to do in such a short period of time it seems. Its pretty sad.
So right now I now what I want to do in the future, and I know that I really want to attend St. Thomas. But all the details that come with that are no where close to being comprehended by me.. So much to think about, so many concerns and sooooo many fears. Some days I really dont know what to do. I just want to succeed and live life to the fullest and do what I love and what God wants me to do.
But...
GOD is not very forth-coming about what he wants to have me do with my life! :) *Yeah Mr. Up there! :) A little guidance PLEASE!?!**
So im going to pray daily that God directs me into what he wants me to do with my life. For him to show me his way. Because after reading at the top what I had to say about my future plans you can definately tell that I dont have much of a clue..
Its in God's hands.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6
Lord,
Please help me to listen to you and your will for my life. Please Guide me, lead me and push me to do what my purpose is in life.
Amen
Love,
Ashley
Although we are faced with many things daily, one of the major things that i believe is so tough is our future.
Daily we are bombarded with homework, studying, lectures, speeches, presentations, and teachers preaching to us about college and what are we gonna do with our future??
And sometimes I want to scream at them and say WHAT HAPPENS IF WE DONT KNOW FOR SURE!?!?!
We are under so much pressure to do so many things, and to accomplish so much that multiple times during the year I break down, cry, am beyond sressed and basically loose it!
Ok, now saying that I think about what Im going to do with my life??
Oh no...
For me right now I really want to go into ministry of some sort. More than likely youth ministry, or something with being involved with the church and in that community. I would so LOVE to do that! :) But then the doubts come into my mind...
-What if i cant get into college?
-What if its too much?
-What if I cant understand it?
-What if I loose all my money?
-How am I going to get a job?
-How am I going to live?
And honestly the list could go on and on. And when i look at colleges thats the list that is going through my head and man, it scares me to death.
On a daily basis i work my butt off to do as well as I possibly can in school to get into college, and it is so tough. So much to do in such a short period of time it seems. Its pretty sad.
So right now I now what I want to do in the future, and I know that I really want to attend St. Thomas. But all the details that come with that are no where close to being comprehended by me.. So much to think about, so many concerns and sooooo many fears. Some days I really dont know what to do. I just want to succeed and live life to the fullest and do what I love and what God wants me to do.
But...
GOD is not very forth-coming about what he wants to have me do with my life! :) *Yeah Mr. Up there! :) A little guidance PLEASE!?!**
So im going to pray daily that God directs me into what he wants me to do with my life. For him to show me his way. Because after reading at the top what I had to say about my future plans you can definately tell that I dont have much of a clue..
Its in God's hands.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6
Lord,
Please help me to listen to you and your will for my life. Please Guide me, lead me and push me to do what my purpose is in life.
Amen
Love,
Ashley
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