What I am trying to discover..

Hello All!!!

Something that i have been trying to discover through counseling is why I really never take care of myself or love me for me. I am always taking care of others, and in all honesty I'd rather do that!!! But through counseling it is really starting to change my perspective. I am starting to see that I am worth taking care of and loving, as well as letting other people love and take care of me.

My Goals that my counselor and I listed are:

1. Take Care Of Myself

• To know I have accomplished this is: That i can feel better about myself, and I dont let people walk on me anymore.

1. Love Myself for Who I am

• To know I have accomplished this is: to be able to accept compliments, and surround myself with people who truly care about me.

I cannot wait to become stronger and a more positive person! :) Please keep praying!!!
Now I want to leave you with something I wrote when I was searching for confidence and trying to show people how to be confident as well as my struggle with guys, oh goodness how young i was ;) This was from 2008 :) & dont worry, I now know I dont need a man, only one big and mighty one :)

2008


.by Ashley Walz on Thursday, January 1, 2009 at 7:05pm.After every year goes by things seem to get a little better. At the same time, the things that you don't think will ever happen to you do...

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger"

That is basically the truth. Things get tough and i catch myself wondering "What did i do to have this happen to me?!" and i tend to get upset, sad, and angry all at the same time. Honestly im not sure how to deal with it. All the things i hold up inside seem to go away, but some how, different things give me and unwanted flash back of the past.



Another thing that i have learned is that you have to love yourself before you can let anyone else love you. It was something for awhile i didn't realize. I was going after that attention and i would get this feeling in the pit of my stomach that was making me feel that dating someone new all of a sudden wasn't a good thing. And you know why that is? Its because i didn't love myself. I wanted someone to fill that part of me, instead of doing it on my own. I thought i can do this.. but in the end i really couldn't i wasn't strong enough. I was so lost and so hurt. I have been the attention of a few guys in the past few months since i ended my previous relationship in the end of August. All of those guys were wonderful absolutely wonderful and i am so thankful for them.



About 2 weeks ago i was texting this guy, he was a good friend of one of my friends and she had set us up. He and I were both falling for each other and wanted to be together. Until one day out of the blue he txt me and said that he is going to be a dad, his ex girlfriend is pregnant. That was a huge huge slap in the face...... All i could think was wow... just wow... could things get any worse?



I met another amazing guy at the homecoming football game by total surprise. He was everything i was looking for... nice, sweet, caring, and i could go on, haha not to forget cute either. :D I thought oh yeah he is going to be the guy thats gonna love me, i can feel it. We talked for weeks, and he asked me out. Thats when i froze. And then came the gut feeling.



Why was this happening to me? I would ask myself. Because i didnt love myself! I wanted someone else to love me so then MAYBE i could love myself. I was SOOOO wrong!

Because you know what? GOD LOVES ME! Just the way i am. And he doesnt want me to change he just wants me to be me. He knows i will mess up, but he forgives. He knows i will wander far way, but yet he will lead me back to him.



I have been struggling lately finding God, but now i realize, he was always there, and he always will be. Even when things go bad, its all in his plan. And whatever he wants me to do, im gonna do it. Because his will is the best way. He puts people in my life for certain reasons, good or bad. And you know i am starting to be thankful for that. For that unconditional love.

So me searching for someone to love me will come with time, because God will bring him to me. I cant be out searching. My awesome youth minister told me, "Let God write your love story". And im gonna listen to that will all my heart, mind and soul. In 2009 God is going to be the center of my life, then i will have nothing to fear with the lord by my side.

God Bless,
Ashley

NCYC & Changes

Hey All! :) IM BACK! :)

Sooo many people have been asking me about NCYC and how it went...and man Kym was totally right.. you cannot explain it. But im going to try my best!

-We arrived at about 3:00 pm in Kansas City. Got to the hotel quick to change and drop off our stuff and then headed to the conference center.
- General Session I walked into and seeing everyone and all the music by John Angotti made me cry, along with my jaw dropping... Unbelieveable!
-Went to different workshops, such as A Catholic Comedian who was hillarious!, and to Mark Hart the bible Geek! :) Both amazing!
-General Sessions continued to raise the bar :)
-Jason and Crystalina Evert Spoke on Saturday night which brought me to tears... They are my idols and their message is so powerful and so true! Look up Jason Evert on youtube, you wont regret it!
-Steve Arigsano, and Jesse Manibusan were AMAZING emcee's :)
-I MET JASON AND CRYSTALINA! :) I completely freaked out and was in awe by them! :) I got a picture with them too! Plus Crystalina gave me her email adress and said that they would send me copies of their books to give out at my purity ball, and that i should let them know the dates to speak (If they can fit it in their busy schedule)
- Went to Reconciliation and Adoration
-Heard amazing teen speakers! My Favorite was Philip Ryan, he had an inoperable brain tumor which eventually just went away, along with other miracles from God... Sooo amazing!
-Took part in mass with 21,000 other catholic youth! Communion took 40 mins, and there were 140 clergy men persiding! :)
-HAD AN AMAZING TIME! :)

NCYC was so unbelieveable and so wonderful. I learned so much, the major one being that I am not alone! There are so many other Catholic's just like me! :) Completely blew me away!

Thank you for all who donated time, money and prayers for me and our delegation over the trip! They helped so much! Thank you all for this amazing opportunity!
 Here are some pictures.... :)

Now on to the changes aspect of this blog.... Here is a note that I wrote and posted on my facebook, hopefully this gives you the jist of what exactly went on... :

'Hey Everyone!
It has come to my attention that many of my status updates about my faith have been taken the wrong way. To some it was considered "Shoving it down peoples throats". I would like to apologize for those coming off that way. I honestly did not mean for the status' to come off in the wrong was and i am very sorry that people felt that way about it.


To me my faith is SO VERY important, and i just wanted to inspire and help others. I did not mean for it to be taken as me forcing people to be just like me. I know everyone is different that is for sure.



It has also come to my attention that lots of people still really enjoy reading my posts etc... well you people are in luck! :) I am going to continue blogging about more faith oriented things, inspirational things, struggles, life, God, Catholocism, my life, and so much more on my blog! :) I hope that all of you read it, by your own choice. Please visit www.highschoolcatholic.blogspot.com to read all that i have to say.



To me i just want to proclaim God's amazing message to the world, but i dont want to frusturate/irritate or hurt anyone in that process. I sincerly apologize if you were offended or hurt by any of my posts, that was not my intention.



If you choose so please let me know what you think of my blog posts! That would be soo appreciated to see that they are reaching someone and that someone actually gets something out of it. :) Please feel free to comment here, on my blog, message me with any questions/comments/concerns and email me at ashleywalz@gmail.com.



Thanks and God Bless All Of You :)'
 
So this blog is going to be my life, and i really hope to keep up with it! Sometimes its hard to sit down and take time to type and all of that, but honestly I dont just do it for me, i do it for the people that i can reach, help and hopefully inspire. Thank you so much for your loyalty to reading my blog and all its contents. And i apologize if i have offended anyone of you as my readers.
 
ON A LIGHTER NOTE!!! Since at NCYC i had a wonderful opportunity to stock up on a few books (6) my youth minister and I are doing a social experiment :) We are both going to read the same book, but we divided it up into chapters. Going every other chapter, so i am the 1st! :) I will post my interpretation of the chapter on my blog here, and then she will post her interpretation of the next chapter on her blog. I am really excited and glad that Kym came up with the idea! :) So please visit Kym's Blog to see her interpretations as well as mine on here. I can definately tell you that you will for sure get lots of things out of Kym's blog, she is an amazing mom, wife, Catholic, youth minister, smart, funny, and truly an inspiration to many. I hope you like our soical experiment! Let us know what you think, comment here or email me at ashleywalz@gmail.com :) 
 
Lord---
Thank you so much for all you do for me and my family. You truly bless me on a daily basis, and you open up doors for me in all different ways. Thank you for the AMAZING experience at NCYC, let us all be the light in the darkness, shining for all to see. You are an amazing God, who does so much because he loves me and all of you. Please continue to bless my writings here, and the eyes and people who read them. 
In your name,
Amen 
 
God Bless,
And please let me know what you think! :)
LOVE!
Ashley