New Branch & Update

Hello All!!!
Soooooo you have all read my posts about my self image and weight issues...well now i am going to hold myself accountable like i did with the counseling topic. Sooo i created a branch off of this blog....please visit http://www.becomingwhoiammadetobe.blogspot.com/.

Update.....

So i have had two counseling appt's and I adore my counselor! She is so sweet and helpful!!!!! I am happy and blessed to have so many wonderful supporters and amazing friends and family! Please continue to pray as throughout this whole process i have realized how much I have held in, that needs work. I cannot wait to be happier :)

God Bless,
Ashley

Motivation

Hello All,

Sooo I have decided to let my blog followers and reader in on a little aspect of my life.

Ever since I was younger I have always had a negative self image of myself and never thought I was pretty or skinny like "All the other girls". That statement has haunted me my whole life and I have decided to change that.
Since the end of June I have been training with my wonderful trainer Nicky :) She has taught me lots and continues to teach me more and more every time we meet.

Currently its hard for me to stay motivated to work out or do my exercises. I have been struggling with that and wanting my results faster and sooner. Ugh it really sucks to feel the way I do... Soooo im asking for you're prayers as I get back on track with my work outs etc.... The picture of the book I posted at the top is one wonderful book! I just bought it today along with a new food journal and its amazing :)

Hope all is well,
Ashley

Prom 2010

Hey all! :)

So here i go bearing my soul....
All around school all you hear about is Prom 2010..... and for me all it does is make me sad. And the thing of it all is that i DONT WANT TO BE SAD ABOUT IT! But yet inside thats what happens. I was determined not to let myself be drug down by the fact that i do not have a date, and i know that no one is gonna ask me so why even bother! But man saying that is easier than doing! I cannot help but be depressed about not having a date, which i HATE to admit.... so i broke down on tuesday night while my mom tried to comfort me, and all i could say through tears was "I hate crying about this its stupid!!!" Its hard to come to terms with things like this and it really sucks. Days like that and tonight where i feel soo cruddy about myself and I HATE IT! I dont feel pretty, i feel ugly and undesireable, i do not see the shrinking of my stomach, all i see is more skin, and it sucks! All i want is for someone to truly care about me, and thats why i am waiting for my future husband, but somedays like today.... its so hard..

What do you think??
God Bless,
Ashley

Frusturated

Ok, this is something that has been bothering me for MANY years and i am getting so sick of it. I cry when no one is looking, and i just hide my emotions inside.

I NEED HER TO STOP MAKING COMMENTS ABOUT MY WEIGHT AND ME NEEDING TO EXERCISE MORE!!!!! UGH!

Its so frusturating and it seems like she looks at me like im the fat kid, and it hurts so much....im crying just reading this. Its so hard for me to hear her say that and it hurts soooo much. Why wont she stop?? What did i do wrong?? Why does she think im fat?? I dont even know what to think, i just want to curl up in a ball and hide, maybe that would be better.
:""""""(

Love,
The hurt and broken Ashley